The Cinnamon Coach

ARTICLES

Eating the Frog

We've all heard about procrastination being 'the thief of time' and 'never put off until tomorrow what you can today' etc. Recently I heard Procrastination described as the Eighth Chakra - located right in one's backside - as often evidenced by our pronounced inability to get off same!

Now, although I personally believe it's okay - and even healthy - every once in a while to blow off the planned day's activity to do something totally different and perhaps more enjoyable, I also believe that - as with many things in life - it all comes down to a healthy balance. Repeatedly putting things off, putting projects 'on the back burner', consigning necessary tasks to the 'too difficult' tray can lead to frustration and stress and too much stress which - as we all know - can sometimes be a Bad Thing.

So how can we balance our natural tendencies to take the path of least resistance with actually Getting Things Done?

Here are some of my Top Tips

Recognise the old familiar excuses and address them

I don't have time right now

A very popular one! Maybe you don't have time to complete the whole thing but perhaps you can break it down into acheivable chunks. If your task is to clean out the garage for example maybe you could decide one day to sort out the contents into junk; goodwill donations and stuff you want to keep. Another day you could look at cleaning and sorting out the garden tools and another time you could address cleaning and maybe even painting the space.

I don't have everything I need to complete this task

Well what DO you need? What about resources? Can you call on other people to help you? Once you have identified the tools you can get on with the job. As the A-team used to say it's all about The Plan........

This is too difficult for me

Is it really - or is it simply too boring, does not hold any interest for you? If you really do not have the skills you require to do the task perhaps you should get someone in to help you who does have those abilities. Then you will not only have the satisfaction of completing the task but you will probably have learned something new along the way.

I work better under pressure

Yes - I use this one! It's my excuse to myself when I know I have simply left it too late. If this really is true of you there are a couple of ways to deal with this.

Make the project slightly more challenging by dividing it up into sections with mini goals to reach.
My personal favourite is to tell people all about the project and when they can expect it to be delivered. (Yes I DO use this with workshops etc!)

This is boring and uninteresting, a waste of time and I don't want to do it.

If you gotta you gotta! Sometimes that is the truth of it - particularly at work. If it really is boring to you - try the old trick of making a game out of it. Divide it up into mini projects and reward yourself as you complete each one. Alternatively if it seems a waste of time to you why not think about different ways in which the task could be done better and more efficiently. Regard it as a challenge rather than a drudge. The boss will be impressed that you are actively thinking of efficiencies rather than simply attempting to slide out of the task!

Make a realistic and achievable list

Sounds obvious but it is a good starting point. Points to note here:

Don't make your list so long that you will be disheartened by the end of the day because you only do what seems to be a very small part of it.

Don't make it so short that you are done by coffee time.

Don't fill it with insignificant stuff that you do every day any way. (You know what I mean: "Get up"; "Have shower"; "Go to work") An exception to this rule is the Triviality List I often use with my coaching clients which is a great way of getting yourself into "action mode".

Having made your list:

Eat the Frog (yep I know you were wondering where that came in)

Pick a task from your list that you really are not looking forward to (calling that tricky customer; doing the filing; cleaning the bath - we all have them) and - quite simply - DO IT!

Everything else will seem easy peasy in comparison. It's all downhill from there!

Plan your Task

What do you need to achieve this task? What support/resources do you need? How much time do you need to do it properly? N.B. Don't fall into the "I haven't got time" trap here. If you really do not have time to perform the task properly and efficiently schedule it for day when you DO have time.

Take Action

Even if you don't genuinely have time to complete your task you can take some action to move you forward. For example, if you don't have the time to pay all your bills at least you can open the envelopes, prioritise them, decide which ones could go on to direct debit/standing order or whatever. This is all about gaining and keeping the momentum going.

Get a Project Partner

This is especially useful for tasks that do not inspire you or where you feel a little out of your depth. This can either be about having someone actually help you with the project - be it practical hands-on help or by giving advice - or it can be about someone keeping a friendly eye on you and helping you by holding you accountable - in a supportive rather than critical way.

Take it easy on yourself

Be nice! Don't beat yourself up if you don't make the deadline. After all - with most tasks/projects - if you don't finish in time - who dies? (This is obviously not relevant to brain surgeons, paramedics and similar professions!) Why don't you consider a little reward each time you reach a particular point in the job?

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The Special One

Half listening to the sports news on Radio Four the other morning (well 'quarter listening' to be accurate) I heard a quote that made me laugh.

Speaking of Jose Mourinho the commentator said "He's the sort of bloke who would join the Royal Navy so the world could see him".

When I had stopped sniggering I started to think about self confidence and self esteem in general. What's so wrong with "blowing your own trumpet"; being proud of your achievements and holding your head up in satisfaction? Why is that when someone speaks with pride about their achievements there is always someone (and usually more than one) ready to say "Ooh! Get him! He's not backwards in coming forwards is he?" or "She's really full of herself! Thinks she's all that AND a bag of chips" or similar, colourful, phrases.

So when does being pleased with what you have done and telling others about it become "boasting", "bragging" or "crowing? When does being praised for getting a Gold Star at primary school morph into not daring to say how great your annual appraisal was? When does so-called "modesty" have to be dragged in to hide your burgeoning light under an ever-expanding bushel? Is this a purely British trait or does it show up in other countries? I have to say I have not noticed it in the US, France or Italy. In those countries - and others - my experience has been that it is perfectly fine to openly express pride in one's achievements and in some cases to go "over the top" in so doing.

Maybe it is all a question of degree. My quiet pride is someone else's "showing off". Your overwhelming pleasure in the kids' exam results is someone else's "bragging".

How then do we maintain and build our self confidence? How do we motivate ourselves by our achievements? I believe the answer lies - as it often does - somewhere in the middle. To quote Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama:

“The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, 'Oh how useless and powerless I am.' It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, 'I can do it,' without boasting or fretting.”

and I really can't put it better than South African writer Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What has Jose Mourinho got to do with all this? Suffice it to say that when I was searching for a picture of The Special One looking confident and proud I had to wade through a great many pictures of him looking worried, concerned and possibly insecure? I know how he feels...........

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“Gap to Podium"

I must confess I am not THAT interested in the Winter Olympics, (although curling does seem to be developing a strange fascination for me!) but my attention was caught the other evening by the sight of Britain's Amy Williams celebrating her gold medal win in the Women's Bob Skeleton event and the way in which she pulled the silver and bronze medal winners up on to the top of the podium with her. (A very nice thing to do I thought).

That in turn reminded me of an article I heard on the radio some months ago about the process used in deciding how much funding Olympic athletes received and the phrase “Gap to Podium” sprang out at me. Apparently, one of the deciding factors on how much money, time and resource spent in getting athletes to the stage where they can win medals – get a place on the Podium in other words – is how far away they are estimated to be from actually winning a medal – i.e. the size of their individual ‘Gap to Podium’.

So what’s your personal ‘Gap to Podium’ ? How far away are you from winning a medal/realising your dreams or getting to your rightful place on the Podium/achieving your objectives? Whatever happens or does not happen in 2010 you can bet it’s going to be challenging and interesting! So what plans have you got to narrow the gap between where you are now and a Podium position?

Some of you may have heard of that great British gardener Percy Thrower whose reply to most gardening questions was “The answer lies in the soil”. So the answer to achieving personal success/happiness/fulfilment must surely be found within you. Take the time to nurture and develop yourself and you will surely notice that Gap to Podium narrowing moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day.

And you don’t have to go it alone either. There's all sorts of support out there from friends and family to books, DVDs training and personal development programmes. The one thing that you need to do all by yourself is to take action. You can set up all the goals in the world and bring in all the resources you want but at the end of the day - unless YOU ACT and move towards realising your goals - you will stay exactly where you are now.

So why not take a moment to assess your personal Gap to Podium?

Decide what you want

Set your goals

Gather your resources

ACT

I'd be honoured to assist you on your journey and would be happy to get you started with a FREE one-to-one coaching consultation. Click here to get in touch.

I look forward to seeing you up on that Podium - just don't drench me with champagne.....................

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Respect Yourself

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love & affection."

Buddha

Isn't that a fantastic statement? And yet why do so many of us go through our daily lives denying ourselves this love and affection? Why do we so often feel “guilty” ;“unworthy” ; 'selfish' or 'undeserving”?

With many of my coaching clients I have noticed that often the most difficult task for them is deciding what their hopes, dreams and goals are. Almost without exception the underlying reason for this is that they feel that in some way they do not deserve to have dreams, to achieve their goals or even – simply and sadly – to be happy, fulfilled and content with their lives.

Some examples:

The smart, professional woman who felt 'guilty' about relaxing at the weekend until she had cleaned house, done the laundry or taken care of her family's needs;

the highly intelligent and senior business executive who didn't speak up at meetings as he thought – in fact he 'knew' - no-one would be interested in what he had to say;

the woman who, when her husband complimented her on what she was wearing would say “What? This old thing? You can't be serious It's as old as the hills and I'm only wearing it because I'm too fat to fit into anything else”

Wow! Talk about self destructive mode!

So where do our feelings of self-worth come from? How do they impact on our lives and what can we do about improving them?

It's generally accepted that between the years of 0 – 7 we take our lead from our parents or the people who care for us. Between 7 and 18 our horizons expand as we come under the influence of school friends, teachers and other adults outside our family. From around age 18 onwards those influences change again as we start at college, university or get a job. Add to this the barrage of outside influences contained in books, magazines, television, films, radio etc and you begin to see where our feelings about who we are and how we feel we compare to other people come from. All these influences have a cumulative effect and can lead to self-destructive thoughts such as “I'm not as good looking as him” ; “I'm much fatter than her” or “She looks so confident! I bet she's got it all together” Who among us has walked into a social or work event of some sort and not had similar thoughts? Legend has it that even that great Italian tenor, Pavarotti, used to throw up before every performance as he was wracked with stage fright and the feeling that his performance might not be “quite good enough”. Believe me – there is a quivering jelly of inadequacy inside all of us!

The bad news is that such feelings of inadequacy; low self-esteem and poor self-respect can impact quite seriously on our ability to socialise, on our relationships and on our work performance

The good news is that you can change!

Here are some very simple tips to put you on the road to feeling good about yourself.

Change your physiology. Head up, smile and walk briskly. (Remember the song “I Whistle a Happy Tune” from 'The King and I” ? You don't actually have to whistle – but it works!)

Don't feel confident? Act as if you are!

Look for the best in others and praise them. By identifying the best in others we often find the best in ourselves.

Accept new challenges and goals. You'll feel great when you achieve them! Start small and build up.

Don't waste time looking at the past (you don't drive your car by looking exclusively in the rear view mirror do you?) Only look to the past to learn from your experiences

When you make mistakes don't beat yourself up – take the lessons and move on.

Trust yourself – you know more than you think you do.

Be good to yourself. Take time for yourself every day and remember – whatever you think you are you are more than that.

Supreme Confidence?

NLP - What's it all about?

Back in the 1970s at the University of California, two academics, John Grinder and Richard Bandler got together to study existing ideas and ways ofthinking to see what it was that made some people more effective in any given area than others and to study if there was a way in which their success could be copied by others. This technique came to be known as 'modelling'. (Just for fun – think about learning to Tango! You might start off by thinking “I don’t know the steps, I can’t hear the beat in the music and I have very bad timing. I’ll never learn to Tango!” BUT – supposing you carefully studied an expert Tango Dancer watched the way he or she moved, listened to the beat in the music and noticed how he or she reacted to it and copied their exact steps and movements – well how could you NOT become a great Tango Dancer yourself! )

Having studied the works of many people such as Milton Erickson; Virginia Satir; Fritz Perls; Gregory Bateson and others, Bandler and Grinder came to the conclusion – very simply put – that if people could change their beliefs they could also change their behaviour which would, in turn, affect the results they achieved.

NLP has been variously defined as:

“A personal development system” – Wikipedia

"An attitude and methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques” – Richard Bandler

"A secret code to your mind’s potential, giving you a degree of command over your feelings and control over your thoughts you may never have believed is possible” – Paul McKenna

"An accessible practical concept that translates totally into the everyday world of influence, communication, negotiation, teamwork, coaching … the list is infinite. And at its heart it is about us as mortal human beings, our aspirations, our challenges in relationships and our dreams” – Sue Knight

Let’s look at the name:

Neuro - as you might have already guessed - relates to the brain and how the way we see the world enters into our consciousness via the five senses:

Visual – seeing

Auditory – hearing

Kinaesthetic – touching and feeling

Olfactory – the sense of smell

Gustatory – taste

Linguistic relates to the way we use words to express ourselves and how we communicate our feelings and thoughts to others by our use of language. How often do we say something that is misunderstood by others? How often do we misunderstand someone else's meaning?

Programming This is simply about how we generally and consistently think and behave. Just as you might programme your computer to get the results you want so you can programme yourself to achieve your objectives. Perhaps in the past you have had a habit you wanted to get rid of and did so successfully. The way you achieved this was by reprogramming your brain (or your unconscious mind) to follow a different path.

So now you have an idea of how NLP came about and an idea of how it works - but what can it do for you?

Absolutely anything you want - be it in your personal life;

your relationships; or your career!

HOW?

Well, for starters, you can apply NLP’s Four Rules for Success

1. Know what you want, be specific about it, be positive about it and do not allow yourself to believe you cannot have what you want.

2. Take positive action towards getting it. You’ve probably heard the expression “The longest journey starts with a single step”. So it is with NLP. NLP techniques help you to focus and concentrate all the while moving steadily towards achieving your desired outcomes.

3. Be flexible. Basically keeping on track and being aware that if a particular course of action does not seem to be working – you need to try something else.

4. Pay attention. Don't take your eye off the ball! You need to be constantly aware of the consequences of your actions and whether or not they are helping you towards achieving your goal or if you need to change your approach.

I could go on and on (and frequently do!) and there's a lot more to it than I have space for here. But why not click here to find some links you might like to investigate to find out more about this intriguing subject.

Alternatively get in touch with me- I love to talk about NLP!